Her

I was about to give up on blogging.  I'm just not sure if I have that kind of dedication in me.  But, I've had this one in me for over a decade at least, and I finally decided it was time to share it somewhere.

It was my birthday about a week ago.  And, once again, I thought about writing this.  I forget about it 364 days of the year-- but it always comes back on my birthday. 

It's about HER.  I don't know her name or what she looks like.  I don't even know if she is alive anymore.  But-- if she is-- does she think about me on this day?  Does she ever wonder what happened to that baby?  Could she ever know the effects of the choices she made?  Could she ever have dreamed about me the way I dream about the futures of my own babies?  Did she know the opportunities she was giving me by giving birth and giving away?

I was adopted from Korea as an infant.  I have two amazingly wonderful parents and a sister (not by blood, but by "kindred spirits").  And, honestly, I have never really struggled with being adopted or wondered much about my biological parents.  Most people find that very hard to believe and wonder how that can be.  But, really, I have no desire to ever search for or meet my biological family at all. 

But, I have thought about her every year on my birthday since my early 20s.  I look at where my life is and wonder if she could have ever imagined how great my life could possibly turn out some day.  That I grew up with loving, generous parents.  That I have a sister who is my best friend.  I had a great K-12 education and went to a wonderful university.  I married a wonderful man.  I had a 12-year teaching career before I CHOSE to give it up and stay home with my two beautiful, fun-loving little boys.  I own a home and two cars and take vacations with my family.  Could she have ever dreamed all this was possible for that little baby she gave up?  Did she ever have half the opportunity that I had, or did her opportunities slip away because she decided to have me? 

Every year, on my birthday, I think about her.  And, I pray for her.  I pray that at some point in her life, she ends-up meeting Jesus.  Because, someday, I want to be able to meet her face-to-face and tell her thanks for choosing me. 

Psalm 139: 13-16
     13 For you formed my inward parts;

          you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

     14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

         Wonderful are your works;

          my soul knows it very well.

     15 My frame was not hidden from you,

          when I was being made in secret,

          intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

     16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

          in your book were written, every one of them,

          the days that were formed for me,

          when as yet there was none of them.

 

These two were in my future!